Selling the family homestead

This has probably been one of my more difficult decisions I have had to make in my lifetime as a young person.

I have felt abandoned and neglected by many of those I love dearly. These are not normal times in America. Keeping the family home to just keep the family home, seems ludicrous for a one parent household without income for the past four years and counting.

My child and I love to have people around us all the time and to keep this home and no one comes to visit, to continue living in a town or city that does not need our skills is STUPID

I am a dreamer and I love to travel there are many people out there to see and landscapes to behold.

The burden of caring for a home, that is not mine and takes money out of my pocket is not what I have come to believe is the perfect American dream for me. I have learned that a home is not an asset if it takes money out of your pocket.

There will always be housing expenses, so finding a place that we love and have a community that I can interact with, is what I long for most.

I want to swim in the ocean, hug the kids, hold the babies, ride horses in a cowboy hat and boots. I want to look at the desert sky, I want to hear the coyotes howl.

I want to make pottery and blow glass. I am yearning for adventure. Swim with the dolphins, take a cruise, slide on a zip line, even though I hate heights.

I attempted to make amends with the family that I have, it is not what I expected to be the final outcome, I just needed to come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, I will not be able to make everyone happy. I can only make myself happy by the actions I take. I do not know why I was searching for their approval or acceptance of what I was wanting to do with MY LIFE.

I am still looking at the many items that we have left and I am not sure what to do with them all, I have had to get rid of 60 years worth of stuff, along with my own stuff. I have had to clean and paint and fix this house to make it presentable. I love the colors that I have put into this house and how fresh the house looks now. It is not dated to 1980's styles anymore.

It is a wonderful home and a wonderful location for anyone who wants to live and work in Rochester. Although that is not for me.

All of this heartache with my mother, my family and losing my aunt, is UNBELIEVABLE! I tell my child that the pains you endure in life need to written down, so that someday you will be able to share that pain with others and perhaps encourage them to keep moving ahead. To have it written down as a therapeutic tool and perhaps a book someday.

This is the way, I don't want these troubles that I endure in this life to be for nothing. If I find the fulfillment of the blessing from the L-rd in my earthly journey I am blessed for eternity.

**Update, I am now free to move about the country. I have a new restored relationship with my family and I am so grateful for it. I can now leave Rochester without feeling like I am running away. I can totally be me. Even if they dont always fully understand me and why I do the things I do. I am happy that we can love each other again.

I believe that after we sell this house, we can move on with our lives and my family can have the attachment to the house broken. It will allow them to move on easier because both the house and my mom are gone. I believe holding onto this house has not, will not allow people to move on. Getting rid of this will help my family heal. They may not see this now, I pray that they will eventually. 

Finally the house sold- I had left too much stuff behind and the new owners had a fit, I would have hired someone to clean the house out, if I had the thought to do it. Oh well, the house has been cleaned out and I had to pay a fee.

I am finally feeling freer, we are living with friends in a small space, but I am happy to be in NH, where our state motto is Live Free or Die. Being here for a week now and hanging out with my friend, has caused me a lot of longing in my soul. I missed my NH, I missed my church, I miss my husband still after 10 years. At this time I do not believe that I will ever stop missing him, but living in a city that we both grew together and started a family here, in a state that we both loved, It is bittersweet.

Will he ever see or realize how much we miss him?